validated.

i am a totally a paranoid hypochondriac. i am always certain that something is awry. as of late i feel even more so, i have been overly tired, getting headaches, itching my scalp like crazy (no its not dandruff, i checked), and gaining weight. remember this? well, its caught up to me. anyway, i was sure i had breast cancer and a brain tumor, so certain in fact, i made a doctors appointment just to prove myself wrong. i have this theory that if i say my fears out loud then they won't come true (ie. trevan dying, cancer, car accidents, major illnesses). like, maybe i am testing the fates by saying it out loud. not rational, but totally kennan. that being said last september at my routine ob-gyn appointment a small lump was found in my left breast. i was told it was nothing and not to worry but (being the paranoid hypochondriac that i am) i didn't feel the same way. ever since i lay awake in bed at night thinking i am feeling some sort of pain or discomfort in that area. so i thought i should get a second opinion.

i haven't seen a "regular" doctor since i played soccer at 17 and thought it was about time i found one. i made a routine physical appointment with a physician i had seen once before when i had meningitis that i really liked. she was very nice and listened to me ramble for nearly an hour about all my concerns. she too found my lump, thought it was probably nothing (nothing? people die from "nothing" breast cancer everyday and p.s. my kids need me) but ordered an ultrasound to settle my fears. she also ran a bunch of other tests just to make sure everything was running smoothly.... she also told me NO she would not put me on diet pills (at which point i liked/trusted her even more)

fast forward to today and i got some of my results back. turns out i am sick, sort of..... i have hypothyroidism. best.news.ever. i am not glad that i am sick its just after 2 years of not having any answers with greta, its nice to have a real diagnosis, even if it is for me. hypothyroidism explains everything, nearly. i also am significantly vitamin D deficient and was put on a very high dose of vitamin D (7500 mg, outrageous). i guess they found blood in my urine too and i have to go back for some more tests. i have my ultrasound next week and should know more on that soon. i will feel better just knowing for sure lumpy is "nothing".

the point of this drawn out story is that you should always trust your instinct, even if it is not rational. i feel validated, i am so glad that i trusted my instinct. i get so caught up in taking care of trevan's cholesterol, jude's birthmark, and greta's neurological issue that i really put my own health on the back burner. i really hope that in the next few weeks i will start feeling better, more like myself. i really really hope that this medicine i am taking will make me start cleaning my house, lose 25 lbs, go to bed on time, stop spending money we don't have, make my hair thicker, and get trevan a new job . i am pretty sure that's what i read the side effects were so i am anxious for that all to happen.

oh well, that's life.