my name is kennan and i am a mother bear

today i became a mother bear. after some seriously consistant contractions and me not wanting to make dinner, trevan took us out to chick-fil-a for dinner. jude loves anyplace with a play place and chick-fil-a is no exception. so while trevan was ordering and getting our food i told jude he could play a little bit before he ate. so i sat in the play place while jude toddeled around and minded his own business. he found a little stool by the window and was watching for daddie and waving at him. when i hear these 4 little (4 or 5 year old) girls say:

"eeew, did you see that ugly boy down there?"
"he had blood all over his chin!"
"he is so gross!"
"lets go see him."

now normally i would have ignored it because they are just kids and they don't understand but these little brats slid down the slide, ran over to my innocent jude (waving out the window to his dad) and shoved him and said "hey!". i could not take another second. i got my fat pregnant butt off the bench and waddled over there and gave those girls a stern talking to. something along the lines of "you leave him alone! he is just a little boy with and ouchey and he is not bothering anyone! you leave him alone, right now!" i think i scared the girls because the left to go find their mothers (which p.s. thanks for leaving your children unattended!). jude was oblivious but i hate to think what would have happened to him had i not been there. he is not stupid, he would have know what they were saying. my poor sweet boy was just minding his own business enjoying his time in his 2 year old world.

i let him play a little bit longer until trevan was seated. once i sat down at the table i started sobbing. i cried through out dinner which concerned jude but i couldn't control it. it was the first time he was openly targeted because of his birthmark. i have been afraid of this since the first second i saw his shining face. i just didn't think it would come so soon, he is only 2. granted his face really only looks bad and noticeable when he has had his treatments but still, it was too much to handle.

trevan played it cool but you could tell his was furious. he was ready to kick some, excuse me, ass. once we got home and jude was asleep i went upstairs to find trevan silently crying laying next to jude as he slept. he kept asking me the same questions i ask everyday "why him, why our sweet jude? he is such a good boy.". there is no answer.

i don't know what we will do in the future. i mean the very next day at mcdonalds with yaya some little kids were pointing at him and laughing, very openly. sometimes i wonder "where are you mother's and didn't they teach you manners?" but i know i cannot blame them. they are just children, and kids will be kids. i just don't know what i should do about my jude. how do i protect him? i know i can't. i know that the lord gave jude this birthmark for a reason and that we need to learn from it, but it doesn't make it any easier. i never thought i would be the mother bear type of mom but what do you do? he is my heart and my soul and he is innocent. he has no control over it. just leave him alone! we get looks all the time when he has his surgeries and when its acting up. and don't think kids are the only ones who say things, adults are ignorant and stupid too. jude understands when someone says "ewww, what happened to his face?".

i cannot talk about it anymore. it makes me cry and it makes me sad. i don't need to be sad at this time in my life. i am very blessed. also, i need to instill self confidence in my son and not dwell on the negative. just thought i would vent.

PLEASE, just leave us alone!