i'm in a terrible funk. i am not me, as of late. i am emotional, upset, hyper, tired, grumpy, argumentative, sad, frustrated, melancholy, unsure and worst of all i am all of these things at once.
i am not sure what the funk is about. i'm hoping its just my antidepressant that's off. that is an easy fix but takes time. i am not in the mood for anything more than that. last weekend i had a semi-nervous break down and haven't quite recovered. problem is, i put on a happy face really well and sometimes i don't feel like faking it and then the ugly truth comes out. people that really know me well (mother, sisters, husband) know that i am faking it and i am glad that they do because they can call me on it. never the less, i am still a good time to be around even when i am depressed. i like to be silly, it helps.
i am trying to get better and i am sure if the weather will cooperate with me all things will be accomplished (with a little retail therapy mingled in). if not, its another change of perscription and off to my shrink to get some more help. just when i think i have my depression all under control it acts up again. so typical. i hate not being in control of things, i am a bit of a control freak.
some facts about my depression:
-been apart of who i am since i was about 8
- i have been on medication for almost 10 year, including pregnancies
- if you knew me pre-medication you either loved me or hated me
-its totally hereditary
-i have been on 5 different medications
-i have been through lots of therapy
-my depression is mixed with severe anxiety(also hereditary)
-when my medication is working i am quite fun to be around
-post-partem depression is really terrible for me
-major life changes really throw me off
- i will probably always need to be on medication and because of that i feel like my depression is more like a disease or condition than a state of mind
you may be thinking to yourself this all may be a little too much information but i don't care. i want the people i love and who ever else looks at this little blog of mine to know who i am. i am me. one day hopefully i will figure out who that person is
also, my sweet trevan needs a shout out for dealing with my craziness. he is a good man and sometimes deserves better.
xo,
me
p.s. next post will be a little bit more optimisitc. one thing about me is that i don't stay down long. i am a fixer of problems.
7 comments:
Kennan! I am so sorry you having this problem! I would say let's go do the reatil therapy...but unfortunatly that takes $$$$ that I don't have!:) Maybe lunch or dinner? I will call you, and you'd BETTER answer! Be happy!
My sweet girly...I'm so sorry you inherited this. Sunshine is what you really need. (And maybe a little adjustment of your meds). Let's find you some this week. XOXOXO
Kennan--I wish there was more I could do/say to help you out with anything you are feeling down about. I'm so glad that you have your family and your sweet husband who are there 24/7 to give you comfort & support.
I was down and out at one point in my life and it was really hard! I can only imagine what you have to go through. I hope you know I'm thinking about you, and there for you if you need me!
PLEASE feel free to escape the yucky Utah weather and get some sun therapy in AZ! :)
I am a girl that knows about funks all too well. I also know plenty well about faking my not being in a funk, which is why a lot people don't realize how much I know about funks. You should come talk to me. I'd like to see you and I always think it helps to find an empathetic ear.
You're speaking my language Kennan, I totally understand. Hang in there! Love, Denise
Hey Kennan, it's Michelle (and Mark) McCormack. I saw your blog today off Goldie's, I hope that doesn't creep you out :). I just wanted to say hi and you have two adorable kids. Love the pictures! Also, good to hear your nephew is doing good. Talk to you soon.
Trevan...here is your shout out. HOLLA.
Kennan. I love you especially for your crazy honesty. I love you and who is more fun to be around? really can't name one.
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