a love note to jude

dear buddie,

i always ALWAYS always wanted a son. some people have dreams of daughters that they can dress up and go shopping with but i wanted a son (little did i know i wanted a daughter too). i wanted someone to play rough with, to be my buddie, to laugh with, to be my son. i always knew you were a boy, you just felt like one from the moment i knew you existed. when you were born all of my dreams came true. you gave me the gift of motherhood. you were my son! we have had our trials so far but you have been worth it, and will always be worth it. i have heard that age 2 is hard, but age 3 and me butt heads. life was so much more simple when you were 2, but who wants simple? sometimes i get mad and raise my voice at you and i hate that. i never would have believed it if someone told me 3 years ago that you would push my buttons. i feel like i don't get to express to you enough how much i love you. so today i am telling you how i feel about you, my sweet jude.

today is a sunday and you are 3 1/2 and crazy. i have to say, i love that you are crazy, i understand crazy. i love that you are my best friend and that you are always concerned for me, like today when the dinner prayer was going to be said without me and you said "no, wait for my mommie!". you cause so much mischief but at the same time bring peace to our home. you hate when daddie and i argue, and always take my side (thanks for that). i love that where ever i am there is a trail of toys behind me and that i am your favorite play mate. i love that you are so excited about our matching shoes and that you chose them over spider man pajamas, just so we could match. i love that you always want to go to target. i love that you can't wait to play golf, baseball, and soccer. i love that you still cry when i go to work. i love that when you come home from somewhere with daddie you yell "honey, i'm home!".  i love that you still think i am perfect. i love that you love your sister so much that sometimes you skwoosh her to death. i love that you are so passionate about things that you love and that you love to collect things (spider man, batman, star wars, any mcdonalds toy they are promoting, body wash/shampoo, cars) and that i get to spoil you, sometimes you need to be spoiled, no matter what your daddie says! i love that you have my taste buds, we have to exact same likes and dislikes in food. i love your funny sense of humor. i love that you still love your silk and your bink, and one day soon we have to take that binki away from you and it breaks my heart because it brings you so much comfort. i love that you are such and innocent 3 year old that still love his mom, and doesn't need any more friends than me. i love that you love your grandma's so much and ask to call both of them within 20 minutes of waking up. i LOVE LOVE LOVE that you and your daddie are so close. i love that you want to be just like him, you love to match him, you love to pretend your fishing, and you cannot wait to go on bike rides with him. i love your hilarious over bite and your skinny little butt. i love how bound and determined you are about EVERYTHING. i love that you love breakfast and when you are finished eating you put your bowl in the sink. i love your awareness of all the things going on around you. most of all, i just love you jude. i could go on and on for days. you are my first born and you are my only son (to date). 

thank you for choosing me to be your mommie and thank you for pushing my buttons and making me be a better mommie. i thank the lord every night for giving me you to raise. i hope i can be everything you need and more. i know however, that i could not love you more and i could not ask for a better son for me. you are perfect in my eyes. you are my favorite and my best. 

xoxo forever and always,

mommie

my favorite little cowboy....