i'm trying to be a mom.

you know, the last 2 weeks of pregnancy are really terrible. so terrible in fact, you are willing to do anything to get it over with.... like pushing 7ish lbs out your 'who who' or voluntarily letting someone cut through your stomach and rip those said 7ish lbs out. i prefer the latter, seeing as it's my only choice and boy am i ever ready to get my stomach sliced open. as it turns out, my little 7ish lb bundle will be here in no more than 6 days. that's less than a week for those of you who were wondering.

knowing that my life as i know it is about to end in that short of time is really hard for me. please, i am so excited to meet our little man but i have never been so scared. giving my past experiences, i have reason to be scared but i am not scared for those reasons. i am scared of 3 kids. you are in the big leagues when you have 3 kids, you are not just playing house anymore. how will i ever manage? everyone tells me 3 is the worst transition. i am hoping that by me anticipating the worst that it won't be so bad when its just sorta of the worst. plus, i know from experience that it's hard when the baby is not the baby anymore, for everyone involved. poor greta, i feel bad. luckily, she her throne remains hers. jude i am not as worried about. jude is so excited he can't stand it, and i know he will be the best big brother, he already is.

with the clock quickly ticking i am trying my best to still be their mom. my energy level is at an all time low of -11% and i swear my lower back/left hip cannot last a minute longer. plus, baby boy is in position to deliver and as of my last doctor's appointment i am at a 3 and 60% effaced, making life just a little bit more uncomfortable. being a fun and interactive mom is not really one of my best qualities at this point. jude tells me i am boring almost everyday and greta just cries for 'mimeepoppy'. as much as i want to go out and do things, which i do, i just can't. every night as i go to sleep (which come on, who can sleep at this point?!?), i make mental plans for the next day, fun things we will do while we are still a party of 4, and then by 10am the next morning i am just ready for a nap. i suck, but i keep promising my kids that it will get better in 3 weeks time.... let's hope so. i hate to be a liar.

LUCKILY, last week i was the bomb.dot.com mom and made plans to go the 'kangaroo zoo' in bountiful and i really did it. brooke and i lounged on some really uncomfortable ikea couches while the kids had the time of their life.... until minie and jude noticed the mini-golf and were offended we did not do both. what do they think, we are made our money? one or the other kids. anyway, it was a good time and i think if things ever return to normal we will be doing kangaroo zoo again. oh, and i do have plans to do at least 2 more family-fun activities in the next 6 days. i hope i don't have a baby in that time frame and even more i hope i have the energy.

pregnancy makes for terrible mothers.